I Bought It on eBay
by The Sarcastic Polar Bear
Summary: Dani stood up. She read the sticker. "I was sold on eBay?" Second story in the eBay series.


**A new crackfic for the fans of my first, Ebay, when Kathy is sold. This time, it's Dani! My buddy obsessedwithstabler co-authored this time. I did the idiotic Dani Beck and myself, AKA Jara, and she was herself (Amanda), and the old man. Old people are fun to write. We only own ourselves and Mr. Old Guy down there. Teehee**

Dani Beck shot up in bed at the sound of her door flying open, and running footsteps. She grabbed her gun, nearly shooting herself in the process.

"Shh, Jara!" a voice hissed.

"You're stepping on my toe," another whined.

"Shut up! She'll hear us!"

Dani heard a set of feet march into her kitchen and the sound of her fridge opening. What the hell?

"She has Twinkies!" Amanda grabbed a box from the cabinet and ripped it open,

"Gimme!" Jara begged.

Amanda gave her cohort one, shoving the rest into her purse. "Okay, back to the plan. Come on!"

"Freeze!" Dani yelled, catching two figures stalking out of her kitchen.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "See what you did, Jara!"

"Hey! You're the one who was yelling over the Twinkies!" Jara defended.

"Whatever." She aimed her taser at Dani and pulled the trigger.

Dani dropped her gun to the floor and fell to her knees, groaning.

"Let's go." She quickly tied Dani up, then shoved her into the large box they had brought.

Jara snickered. "Her hair's even frizzier in real life." She spit her gum into her hand and stuck it into Dani's mass of tangled hair. "I'll drive!" she yelled.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "The hell you will." She dragged the box out of the apartment. "God, she must weigh two hundred pounds..."

Jara shrugged and nibbled on her Twinkie. She gave the box three solid kicks, aiming for what she hoped was Dani's head.

They got the box downstairs and tossed it into the back of a stolen van. Amanda got into the driver's side and started the van. "Hurry up, Jara!" she shouted, purposefully mispronouncing her partner in crime's name.

"I thought I was driving!" Jara wailed. She glared. "Never... mispronounce my name... again."

"Jara! Jara! Jar Jar Binks!" Amanda started the van.

"I'll screw up the van!" Jara threatened

"Get your ass in here!"

"Fine," Jara grumbled. She roughly yanked the door open and sat inside the van, intentionally leaving the door wide open to annoy her assistant.

"I know what you're thinking!" Amanda yelled, peeling out of the parking lot. "I'm not your assistant!"

"Yes, you are! I'll eat your Twinkie if you don't admit that I'm the boss and that I am an amazing world ruler!"

She reached over and smacked the back of Jara's head. "Shut the hell up!"

"No." Jara crossed her arms and shook her head. "You drive like an idiot!"

"I drive better than you!" She purposely took a hard turn and laughed as the box in back flipped and slammed against the door.

"Then why is there a police car following us?"

Amanda growled and turned her lights off, then drove back to their meeting place. She easily lost the police, and they got the box out of the back of the van. "Come on!"

Jara happily beat her fists on the box, chanting, "We're gonna sell a bitch!"

"Yes, we are." They carried the box inside, then Amanda grabbed her laptop and went to eBay. "Okay... we still have five more minutes, and the bids are up to... ten grand!" She squealed in delight

"Yehaw!" Jara shrieked, jumping up and down on top of the box. She screamed when it broke, sending her crashing down on top of the unconscious Dani.

Amanda got up and yanked her younger cohort's arm. But the frizzy hair had a hold on her. "Crap!"

Jara kicked her foot wildly, kicking Dani in the head numerous times until she was loose, a huge wad of frizzy hair wrapped around her leg.

Amanda grabbed a towel and pried the wad of hair off of Jara's leg. Then she hit it repeatedly. "DIE!"

Jara gazed at the box. "I broke the box," she noted.

"I know!" She tossed the shovel down. "DUCT TAPE! Duct tape fixes all!"

"I have another box!" Jara yelled, holding up a much smaller box, which somehow fell apart. "Or had another..."

"Just go eat another twinkie!" Amanda shoved Dani back into the box and taped it up

"I don't have anymore!" Jara cried. Suddenly, a smirk spread across her face.

Amanda pointed at her. "Stay away from my twinkies!"

"That's not why I'm smirking!"

"Stop it! It's creepy!"

Jara merely deepened her smirk and began to rub her palms together, snickering.

"I swear to God, if you don't stop it, I'll put you in the box with her!"

Jara stared at the cardboard box, and imagined the creature inside of it, and tried to stop smirking, but wound up laughing evilly.

The computer beeped, and Amanda slapped her hands together. "The bidding is over!"

Jara pounced onto the laptop and screamed, "50 grand!"

"Twinkies! My sweet twinkies!"

"I'm gonna resume smirking and thinking evil thoughts," Jara said calmly.

"Good." Amanda confirmed the buy, then printed out a sticker. "Here. We just have to put this on the box, then leave it at the post office!"

"How about we stick knives in the box so she cuts herself if she tries to get out?"

"I don't think so. I think the buyer wants her in one piece." Amanda glared at the box. "Lucky."

"Damn it!"

Amanda hugged Jara. "I know. I know."

She snickered. "Then I'll just paint her with blood."

"Maybe another time." She slapped the shipping address on the box, then tossed it outside. "Our money will be in the account in a few minutes."

"Woo! Twinkies away!" Jara shouted, dancing madly.

"Yes!" She pushed Jara outside and to the van. "We can fill this van with twinkies!"

Jara threw her head back and laughed evilly. The sky darkened and lightning struck

Amanda joined in the laughter, and the next day, a package was delivered to an older man.

"I thought this was a china doll," he mumbled to himself. It definitely was ugly.

Dani's eyes fluttered open. She was being stared at by an old man. She screamed.

He made a face. "I guess it's one of those fancy talkin' dolls." He shrugged. "Elmira will love it."

Dani stood up. She read the sticker. "I was sold on eBay?"

"Get back in that box, doll. Elmy's birthday isn't until next week." He shoved the doll back into the box and nailed it shut.

Dani cursed loudly. "I'm alive, you know!"

"I'm sure you are," came his sarcastic reply. He dragged the box inside and started to carry it downstairs, into the basement. But his back protested, so he shrugged and let the box tumble down the stairs. Then he turned out the light and shut the door.

"Ebay is great," he murmured to himself.


End file.
